Your Butt: An Owner's Guide

I'm willing to wager that you're sitting on your butt right now. An average of 27% of Americans get no physical activity outside of walking to and from cars or to the fridge for some chicken wings and a beer.

Granted, my fellow New Yorkers are more likely to be walking further differences and up more flights of stairs, but still, we sit on our asses like we're hens in a pen waiting for our eggs to hatch. For all of you who work in offices, your occupational hazard is the chair and it's putting you at the greatest risk for a butt crisis.

If that doesn't compel you to get up and move around (after you finish reading the blog) then maybe the explanation I give to my clients will inspire you.

Here's the deal, your largest butt muscle (the Gluteus Maximus (G-Max) extends your hip joint. Sitting flexes your hip joint. So with every second that you sit, your major butt muscle is getting stretched and stretched.

Sigh.

I like clients to imagine a piece of elastic. That elastic is like your ass. The constant stretching eventually causes it to lose its ability to return to its original shape. At this point, clients typically have a look of horror on their faces, their hands slowly moving to squeeze their once taut, early 20s, perky ass that has now become soft and droopy. And while we're at it, a nice ass isn't just for women. Guys are always asking me for tips with their ass.

Alright that's one reason you may be the victim of a butt crisis. But there is more bad news. The muscle that helps to give your butt that nice sculpted look is the Gluteus Medius (G-Med) which is responsible for hip abduction (moving your leg away from your body laterally). The most prolific vision of hip abduction is none other than Miss Jane Fonda. Unfortunately, we are always moving forward. The G-Med is one of the most ignored muscles on our body, and it is an important one for keeping your legs in optimum alignment as well as for the obvious cosmetic benefits that come from a firm tush.

By this point you should be sufficiently concerned about your derriere's appearance. The other things to consider are the real responsibilities of that huge-ass (pun intended) muscle group. A strong g-max is pretty much mandatory when it comes to reducing lower back pain. A weakened G-Max causes a tilt in your pelvis that might look like an overly arched lower back. It may look good when you're dancing in a Beyoncé video but the bottom line is that eventually your back is going to hurt and soon you won't be able to straighten out your posture. Couple that with osteoporosis in a few years and you're as good as immobile. Forever.

Ok, ok, I overstated the case - but only a little.

All this hysteria about the great hind-end crisis, what are we to do? How about an Ass-Kickin' Workout or two? Try 3 of my favorite butt exercises below, or if you're ass is more likely to win a SAG award than Helen Mirren or Jennifer Hudson then check email me at DashboardG2 at mac.com for a complete Butt Blaster, Tush Toner, Hiney Helper workout I designed for beginners and/or one for the more advanced.

Stability and Endurance: The Bridge
Bridging begins on your back, your arms at your sides, ankles directly under the knees.
As you exhale you will engage your glutes (and of course draw in your abdomen) while you lift your pelvis toward the ceiling.
You are aiming to create a straight line from your knees to your shoulders, keeping your glutes activated the entire time. Hold this position for 30-60 seconds, rest for a moment, and repeat at least 6 times.
Advance the bridge by trying it with one leg at a time.
Keeping your pelvis level as it rises, straighten one leg while keeping your knees in line with each other.
Further advance the bridge by incorporating a stability ball.
Place your heels at the crest of the ball and press your pelvis upward.
This too can be done with one leg at a time. The opportunities are limitless I tell ya!

Strength and Stability: Ball Hamstring Curl (slightly advanced)
Assume the bridge position using a stability ball by placing your heels at the crest of the ball and pressing your pelvis toward the ceiling.
Exhale while activating your glutes, pressing your pelvis upward and pulling the ball toward your body. You must aim to keep a straight line (the entire time) between your knees and your shoulders. The final destination is pictured.
Slowly return the ball to the starting position, repeat 6-12 times.

Shaping and Toning: Lateral band Walking *
You want to get your hands on small power bands or track them down at your gym. If they don't have any - demand that they get some. There are various degrees of resistance, but each one serves some purpose.
The band will go around your ankles for this exercise.
You will stand up straight, exhale as you move your leg away from the other leg and step to the side. Keep your tush tucked in naturally as you do this.
Try moving 4 steps to the right and then 4 steps to the right. Repeat until you have moved 24 steps.
Try both keeping your knee extended and also with your legs in a slightly bent position.
For an added total-body bonus, toss in some lightweight dumbbell shoulder presses as you step.
After each set of 24 steps, rest for 30 seconds. Repeat 3-5 times. Your butt will be burning.

*If you don't have any bands, you can still do this same thing with ankle weights, or laying on your side and lifting your leg up away from the other (see Jane Fonda above). Keep your foot flexed and your knee extended. Complete the full range of motion, do this 25 times, roll over and repeat. Rest, and do it all again.

At the very least - incorporate bridging into your workout. That, or just get up and walk. Whenever you are moving your legs your butt is what pulls your leg under your pelvis, so squeeze your ass when you walk sometimes as if you're minting a coin - do it at least a few minutes a day and you'll see some differences in no time - or you'll have minted enough money to buy yourself a pair of pants in a larger size - eeek! Even worse - you may have to buy one of these to distract from your jiggly-ness.

So you have finished reading the post, now you can read some other entries, leave a comment, or shoot me an email - but within the next 3 minutes you better be off your duff and movin' that booty.