Livin' Libido Lockerroom!

No matter the moon phase, weather, or time of day, there's always something (or, I guess, someone) going down in the locker room. With the exception of one gym location that I recently discovered, every other visit to the gym(s) either for work or for working out includes seeing a hook-up in the making. These sightings typically involve one or more of the following techniques:

• stares that last a little, or a lot, too long
• the more crafty "I'm going to look in the mirror but actually check you out instead" maneuver
• explicit gestures (e.g., grabbing oneself, pointing at one's "goods", or even bumping into somebody else's "goods")
• towels that somehow fail to cover appropriately, or fail altogether and fall to the floor
• outright explicit verbal invites to conserve water
• slightly opened shower curtains; or, the more ambitious and becoming more popular, the fully opened shower curtain technique
• silent advances that aren't rejected, also known as "the code"

I have seen all of these in play - and some with successful results. To be clear, I have not acted on any of these - ever. Other than looking at someone every once in a while who is cute, hot, muscular, tan, dark-haired - I just wrap the towel around and do my thing. I do like to watch the drama unfold in the locker room and I'm often astonished at who participates in the games. There are actually some pretty good lookin' guys who do some pretty outrageous things.

I was in the steamroom (being innocent, virginal, and pure as always) when this guy comes in and sits a little too close to me. Generally speaking, I like to keep wet, naked strangers at least least 18 inches away. Alright, so maybe it does depend on the stranger. Anyway, this guy is sitting there for no less than one minute when I start to feel his stare in my direction. I didn't need to turn my head to feel the brightness of his round face pointing in my direction. It seemed as if Medusa was staring right at me -- I was frozen still. With just my little towel wrapped snugly around me, I closed my eyes.

I heard the door open but pretended not to notice. I decided I should remain perfectly still, that's what I learned in Cub Scouts for avoiding bear attacks and by the looks of who entered the steam room, this strategy was was the appropriate one. He was unquestionably a Bear. I thought the entrance of a third person would quell my wet, naked, creepy neighbor's staredown. I was right, he was no longer looking at me, his gaze shifted immediately to Mr. Bear and this Bear wanted his honey. The furry one made eye contact with my neighbor, knelt on the tiled step in front of him, moved his towel (which I presume was now a tent), and, well . . . you can imagine the rest.

I have to keep on imagining the rest right along with you -- I didn't stay for the show.

I always get different reactions from people when I tell them I didn't stay. Some think I should have, some wish I would have, others think I shouldn't have gone in there in the first place. All I know is that I was amazed at how fast it all went down. There were no words exchanged, no names, no handshake - just quick action. This was a busy time of day at the gym, the locker room was full, other guys surely walked in after I left. For all I know, and I do suspect, that steam room got a whole lot steamier after my departure.

A lot of guys I talk to aren't surprised by any of this, and honestly I'm not surprised anymore either. Here is a sampling of actual Craigslist postings from the past few days. See what you're missing by not going to the gym?

Posting 1: So close, but no -- ummm . . cigar?

To the guy who invited me into the shower at NYSC:
All the showers were in use, I was waiting behind you. When a stall became available you asked if I wanted to share with you. I was tempted but then another became available and I took it. I regret it now. Let's meet up there again and try for a happier ending! Tell me which location it was so I know it's you.

Posting 2: The Steamroom Cinderella Story. This guy left his kiss on somebody and wants to find it again, and again.

Were you in the steamroom today at an NYSC? Were you the guy I kissed? If so I want to kiss you over and over -- you are one hot guy. Drop me a line with location and time to prove it's you and we'll take it from there.

Posting 3: Three's Company. But this company went out of business.

You were the total hottie that was in the steam room at around 8:40 or so. Originally there were 4 of us in there, but then the other 2 left and that is when we started to play. Unfortunately we were interrupted when another guy walked in and we never could get things started again. You were simply beautiful and I would love to do it again! What other days do you work out there? Describe me and yourself so I know it is you!

Posting 4: Sadly I call this the "All Too Common." It's the standard gym hook-up post -- but this one is exceptionally sketchy so I deleted some words (you'll figure it out). If you're offended by fingers that wander -- don't read it.

attractive horny guy here, thick ____, nice face, 5'11, 150#, tattoos, dark hair, love _____ with a guy and even getting a finger up my _____. _____ off across the shower hallway with a hot dude at w80 last sunday, looking for the same scene.