Welcome to the big Show(er)

Time got a way from me today and I found myself way downtown with no gym clothes at 8:22 p.m. All of the gyms close at 10 so I was feeling screwed. The MTA Gods were smiling tonight however because I managed to get home in time to grab my gear and head right back out to the nearest club. I got to the platform and the MTA Gods decided to frown and I waited, and waited, and waited. It was 9:15 before the train came to sweep me away so I got to the gym with only 37 minutes to get good and sweaty.

I scampered down the steps toward the locker room. It looked like a nuclear blast had blown every single towel into the air and they had landed all over the place. I've never seen a locker room this trashed in my entire life - and I have seen a lot of locker rooms. I tiptoed through the towels and found my little nook.

Now one thing is certain - I can get naked really fast. I had my belt off and pants undone before I set my bag down. I was out of my jeans and into my shorts within seconds. I strapped on my iPod and headed toward the bathroom area to go pee so it wouldn't dribble down my leg while I was running.

I turn the corner and see that the first shower was occupied - and that's never a good sign. That shower is placed in such a way that the person inside the shower can see into the locker area and every person who goes to use the series of sinks or the bathroom. It's the voyeurs shower and the gaping hole(s) in the curtain make that more than obvious. However, today's Showman was vying for another option. He had the curtain pushed at least six inches open.

Now I have no interest in seeing this production, but something about it made me glance. Maybe it's because I like live performance art and this guy was definitely performing. I didn't have time to really think about it at that moment.

I had a great intense 30 minute cardio set and got nice and sweaty running a hilly 5k. The gym staff already turned off the lights in the club and were yelling at the 10 or so people finishing up. I headed back down to get my bag and noticed that the peeping tom shower is still running. This guy was still at it! After I walked by the opening toward the shower room (the voyeurs field of view) the water turned off and I swear to you it sounded as if somebody was smacking their hand against a wet back over and over again. Take a moment to imagine that, and then let your imagination run a little . . . yeah - this guy was having a good time and wanted people to know.

By this point I had to investigate. I mean come on now - the gym is closed and we have a naked man in the shower. I went back into the bathroom area and got more than a glimpse of our wet star.

So most people would assume this type of guy would be of a certain pedigree. People would guess he'd be an unattractive, awkward, gangly cretin. This was not the case. Would you believe that this character was an early 20s, decent looking, well built guy? He was. How crazy is that? This guy had no shame. On my return trip from the urinal he was waiting in the shower stall with his towel over his shoulder (um, not around his waist). We made eye contact and he cocked his head back in a way that suggested, "hey, come here." This was supposed to be hot like in the movies, but it wasn't. It was creepy.

Well there you have it - on any given night, like I said before, there's something going down in the locker room. But the part of this story that amazes me is that from the outside this was a guy that most guys (and girls) would want to date. I wondered about what this guy does for work and if his coworkers suspect his a hardcore exhibitionist. I also wondered when he planned on getting his naked wet ass out of the gym since it had closed before even I left.

Maybe he had a bad day and just wanted some companionship, but all I know is that once I left he had two choices for an audience: a wrinkled raisin of a man, or what appeared to be an overweight rabbi. I have a funny feeling that he was going to keep on trying to show people what he was "up" to, regardless of who those people were. He had already been in the shower for at least 35/40 minutes and wasn't phased by the many guys walking by and glancing nonchalantly his way. Nobody said a word about it and even the ultra macho latino folk who love to toss around heavy weights in the weight room just walked on by while he was going to town.

A lot of people are going to tell me, "that doesn't happen at my gym," and to them I say, "bull crap." For some reason when you put a shower in a room with a bunch of guys, at some point somebody is going to feel the urge to put on a show. I wonder how this particular one ended? The scenario I envisioned as I was walking home and laughing about the night was one that involved the gym's housekeeping guy coming into the locker room to pick up all the towels that were freakin' everywhere when he sees our little, errr not little, showman.

And the rest . . . well you can finish that on your own.