Warming Up

For me, it all starts with picking the right locker. On a typical day I walk into the lockerroom and look for a little nook to spread out my things and get down to my naked self. I like to have some privacy, but not so much privacy that guys may suspect I'm hiding something - or a lack of something.

I do take time to plan out what underwear to wear to the gym. This is a critical decision, yet one that a lot of guys I've seen at the gym lately have not taken the time to consider. On a typical day I see way more Hanes and Fruit of the Loom than I want to. I am a tighty-whitie fan for sure, but there are enough better versions out there than the clunky, clumpy standards than come in sets of three and in a plastic bag.

Come on guys, there are benches in two long rows -- this is a runway and your choices matter.

So - I had the unfortunate experience of ending up next to a guy who, by all standards (I'm not even using the much more highly selective gay standards), broke every rule of lockerroom underwear fashion.

This guy was wearing his triple XL pair of blue Hanes OVER his belly. When I was young I used to wonder what I would do if I suddenly grew a belly. Would I be tucker and snug my underwear up under my belly or would I go over it. I truly never thought people would choose the latter, but this guy did. He looked a lot like a globe, with the southern hemisphere completely covered in a skeevy ocean. I choose ocean because when he put his foot up on the bench, his waves were jigglin' in front of my face.

Ah, just another day at the gym.