Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Textin' the Trainer, Vol. 1

As you could probably assume, and as GQ so deftly remarked recently, the client-trainer relationship can get pretty intimate. At times it is pretty intense, and, when things are really going well the client feels obligated and committed to their trainer. After a while if the client isn't keeping up their end of the rigorous, but oh-so-fun deal, guilt sets in. Trainers get paid to check up on their clients, and over time clients are trained to simply divulge all their indiscretions. Sometimes, clients divulge a lot more . . .

Here's a text from a long-term client: "I had a skinny latte. Is that ok?"
Anybody know the answer? It's a toss-up, sure coffee isn't the best thing for the fitness minded chap, but some would argue the resultant caloric burn from the caffeine outweighs its negative impact (that's debatable but since I nearly own stock in Starbucks I say - drink up). A good rule to follow however is to never drink your calories, it's just way too easy to rack up some damage - and yes, even a skinny latte has some calories, a grande packs in about 130. Not sooo bad, but still - if your goal is say . . . a nude beach, choose straight up raw coffee.

This is the kind of text I love getting: "Shoulders and chest sore. Opening doors and pushing boxes are a small problem. Feels good though."

Now these texts all come from a recent client, who, consequently had no desire to get a trainer. As you read you'll see he's got other motives.

• "If u get me to focus in my breath and not in ur sexy shorts at the end of the "package" ... maybe I'll pay u a cab . . . or a dinner ;-)"

• "Lets say my xgirlfriend is a trainer either so if i only wanted to learn new exercises she could send me an email with a whole new workout . . . for free"

To which I responded by asking, "then why are you spending all this money?"

"2 have u wearing ur sexy shorts around me 4 one hour a week . . "

• "u punish me with those workouts, u get me horny . . . WHERE'S MY HAPPY ENDING! cant deal with it anymore"


Silly Billy said...

As I am sucking down my Grande Skim Cafe Mocha (sans whipped cream) from Starbucks, may I ask you a question?

How do you deal with people like that? I am sure it is flattering, but must be annoying at times no?

Then again, maybe once I would like to have a client say to me: "I really had no intention of signing that contract, but that big bulge in your trousers is what keeps me coming back to our meetings. If I do sign it, does it come with a Happy Ending though?" Okay, maybe not.

emily said...

oh, dear. I didn't think trainers were SUPPOSED to give happy endings - unless it involves heavy weight and more reps? good lord.

Jen said...

hmmm, happy endings, huh? have you had any of those?