Friday, June 8, 2007
A Little Disorder For Everyone
I was never a huge fan of Bravo's fitness-based reality show Workout, but when it first began last year I was intrigued with the idea of seeing the inner workings of a gym exposed to the general public. The second season however really made me more annoyed than anything else by living up to its tagline: 3% body fat, 97% drama. It became less about fitness and training and more about the lame management skills and questionable ethics of a self-obsessed diva trainer and her sometimes "disobedient" trainer children.
However, I have to say that during a follow-up/reunion session on Bravo, the cast came together for an interesting reflection, albeit an equally irritating event to watch the awkwardness of a bitchy manager butting in to answer every question. The part that stuck with me the most was how they continued to bring up body dysmorphia, more commonly known as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). In that moment, these trainers who I watched throughout the 2 seasons finally seemed human.
In a nutshell body dysmorophia is the unrational obsession with your own physical appearance. It's the "I'm so fat, I'm not good enough, if only I could fix this one thing . . . " dialog many of us carry on with our inner selves while looking in the mirror. Some people argue that BDD is not a "real" issue or a "real" condition. It is loosely grouped with Anorexia, but takes on a broader spectrum of behaviors, emotions, and manifestations. However, I actually think most people who work out have at least some form of this "more than an obsession" behavior.
Alright, maybe I think that because I don't want to feel alone.
There are days when I poke every inch of my body to see if I am still improving. I look in the mirror and try to see if I can still look good even without great lighting. I compare myself to guys at the gym and it usually frustrates or depresses me. I want this to be bigger, that to be more tan, and to grow taller by 2 inches. I look in the mirror and pull in my lower abs and think, "if only this," and that pattern repeats with every other square inch of my body's real estate. Like I said in a previous post, watching hot boys in Chelsea makes me want to spend an extra hour at the gym. And, sometimes, I do.
For the past 3 weeks I have worked harder than I usually do at the gym. This is coming from somebody who already never skips a day and keeps on a disciplined regime no matter what. I upped my protein shakes, upped my cardio, and upped the weights I'm pushing. My already skimpy diet has gotten streamlined and I am on a mission.
Maybe I'm not realistic - but chasing the goal does feel good. I am fairly certain I'm in the best shape of my life inside and out - but for some reason I have days when I feel like I am a slothful, chubby, squishy monster. I know that irritates people who know me and especially those that have seen me naked - but it it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I am satisfied, sometimes even weeks. But one night of eating chips and salsa and I feel like I am ready to get into a pair of Husky jeans.
A little disorder never hurt anybody - ok well maybe some disorders hurt some people but who's keeping track? This one seems harmless, and although annoying for your friends - it keeps you in tip-top physical shape (so you're a little crazy). Sadly, like the trainers on Workout alluded, it seems to come with the training territory - all day long you are thinking about what you could (or should) be doing at the gym. The constant flow of active, muscle-bound, dark-haired, hot boys is a constant reminder to push and push and push - or in some cases I guess - a little pulling as well.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I'm sure you've heard this before, many times, but I'll say it again: You look AWESOME!!!!! Be kind to your body, it's not its fault that "you're a little crazy" as you put it. Enjoy life, there are other things than looking beyond great (which you already do), so go do those instead!
I hope you're feeling the love, this is well intended.
And when you look that good and reach those goals, then what?
Maybe my problem is I don't have BDD. If I did, perhaps I would be in better shape...lol.
I often find it funny how the most insanely fit people still think they look fat. It just shows critical and obsessed we all can be.
I probably have BDD, but like you mentioned alot of people probably do.
But being overly critical pushes me as there is never a ceiling point where I'll think, ok i'm done.
And that's what friends are there for, to get annoyed by those little things you do lol.
I sometimes feel like that what my friends see is completely different that what I see when I look at myself.
But I use that to push myself, like you said a minor distorted self image never hurt anyone.
I tend to work out hardest when I'm surrounded in the gym by guys that I envy.
If everyone in the gym looked like me, I'd probably be less motivated.
Glad to see you back in the bloggersphere.
i gotta lotta disorder.
i never looked at bdd with a positive tilt. thank you.
I thought this was a myth. I've only seen a few pics, but I think you have nothing to worry about.
but i really admire your discipline.
where are you!
we miss you!
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.
first time i've seen your blog and let me tell you I feel the pain. Been working out rather consistently the last 6 months or so, but going to the club last for the first time in months last night and seeing a couple of hot athletic boys made me work so much harder today. Great post and hit home with me
BDD can work for and against you.
It depends whether you have the 'Adonis Complex' (the Bruce Weber ideal) or not (the Kate Moss ideal).
Each can promote health, or an extreme level of psychotic body fascism.
Post a Comment